Storm of the I - Blog Off

When I turned fourteen I began a journey. What was I going to be when I grew up? Who was going to become? How much money was I going to make? Who would I marry and when was that going to happen? After all you should know, right?

Nope, not with this character. I had no clue and for the love of God I could not figure it out. There were lots of things I liked to do, could do and be, but it was never enough. At the end of the day – okay about every five years I would end up frustrated and hurting – and in one bad mood. Those closest to me would help with enthusiasm and tons of support. I would figure some things out, hit the ground running - for a while but eventually I would end up right back where I started. I could not give myself the answer.

Eventually I stopped making decisions. It seemed every time I did my life would literally implode. No more decisions. Instead, I began thinking, about everything. I read, researched, learned, and wrote. God heard from me on an hourly basis, with the same question: You-who "What do you want?" I reached exhaustion and dizziness from going in circles.

It was not until the book The Secret came out that things began to really shift.

It was a catalyst for change because it was when a friend and I started a book club. It was not just any club it was a commitment club. Our goal: to find out who we are, what was our passion and what are we suppose to be doing with our lives? Where are we going to?

Who does that? You think we could have taken on something a little less arduous and a lot more fascinating. But, no, this would be fun and an adventure. Dubbing ourselves as the BookClub Queens, wearing our crowns and carrying our sceptres we entered naively into the storm's eye.

Once through if I could have ran for the hills and lived as a hermit I would have.

Remember as a kid there was that one Saturday afternoon when your mother in her most determined fashion demanded that you clean your room and you didn’t want to do it? Yeah, times that feeling by a million as there I stood there looking not at my room but myself. No one to blame – not one person, just me, myself, and I. Total responsibility.

Each book we chose sent me into directions I could never have imagined and often left me thinking, “Good Lord, what have I done now!” “Help, send me back, pplleease!”

There have been changes, little nudges quiet, loud, and sometimes barfed up in the most ungraceful fashion. There have been moments of near insanity, incredible fear, richly rewarding and liberating, with the most ridiculously hilarious escapades ever entered in to and yet somehow managing to experience moments of peace. Learning to surrender to each moment created its own magic because suddenly the right people appeared at exactly the right time to bring clarity to the lesson.  

And, through all of these adventures in the last two years - missed or not - is how I got to thInQ.

I was looking for books to torture ourselves with last Christmas and came across The Little Red Book of Wisdom by Mark DeMoss. Contained amongst the pages was an article about Joey Reiman. And what does Joey Reiman do? He thinks.

It was within an instant of reading that article the storm got a bit quieter. And, after sometime I knew what it was I was suppose to be doing, and I was doing it all along – thinking.

Do you know where you are going to? I have no idea, but I do know it will be another adventure and maybe this time a little less stormy. Ha, who am I kidding!

Be sure to make post your comments and head over to Bust-A-Blog to see Busty's response to the picture I sent her.