Storm of the I - Blog Off

When I turned fourteen I began a journey. What was I going to be when I grew up? Who was going to become? How much money was I going to make? Who would I marry and when was that going to happen? After all you should know, right?

Nope, not with this character. I had no clue and for the love of God I could not figure it out. There were lots of things I liked to do, could do and be, but it was never enough. At the end of the day – okay about every five years I would end up frustrated and hurting – and in one bad mood. Those closest to me would help with enthusiasm and tons of support. I would figure some things out, hit the ground running - for a while but eventually I would end up right back where I started. I could not give myself the answer.

Eventually I stopped making decisions. It seemed every time I did my life would literally implode. No more decisions. Instead, I began thinking, about everything. I read, researched, learned, and wrote. God heard from me on an hourly basis, with the same question: You-who "What do you want?" I reached exhaustion and dizziness from going in circles.

It was not until the book The Secret came out that things began to really shift.

It was a catalyst for change because it was when a friend and I started a book club. It was not just any club it was a commitment club. Our goal: to find out who we are, what was our passion and what are we suppose to be doing with our lives? Where are we going to?

Who does that? You think we could have taken on something a little less arduous and a lot more fascinating. But, no, this would be fun and an adventure. Dubbing ourselves as the BookClub Queens, wearing our crowns and carrying our sceptres we entered naively into the storm's eye.

Once through if I could have ran for the hills and lived as a hermit I would have.

Remember as a kid there was that one Saturday afternoon when your mother in her most determined fashion demanded that you clean your room and you didn’t want to do it? Yeah, times that feeling by a million as there I stood there looking not at my room but myself. No one to blame – not one person, just me, myself, and I. Total responsibility.

Each book we chose sent me into directions I could never have imagined and often left me thinking, “Good Lord, what have I done now!” “Help, send me back, pplleease!”

There have been changes, little nudges quiet, loud, and sometimes barfed up in the most ungraceful fashion. There have been moments of near insanity, incredible fear, richly rewarding and liberating, with the most ridiculously hilarious escapades ever entered in to and yet somehow managing to experience moments of peace. Learning to surrender to each moment created its own magic because suddenly the right people appeared at exactly the right time to bring clarity to the lesson.  

And, through all of these adventures in the last two years - missed or not - is how I got to thInQ.

I was looking for books to torture ourselves with last Christmas and came across The Little Red Book of Wisdom by Mark DeMoss. Contained amongst the pages was an article about Joey Reiman. And what does Joey Reiman do? He thinks.

It was within an instant of reading that article the storm got a bit quieter. And, after sometime I knew what it was I was suppose to be doing, and I was doing it all along – thinking.

Do you know where you are going to? I have no idea, but I do know it will be another adventure and maybe this time a little less stormy. Ha, who am I kidding!

Be sure to make post your comments and head over to Bust-A-Blog to see Busty's response to the picture I sent her.

Blue Sky - Blog Off

I used to have a little black pony. Her name was Dixie and I inherited her from my cousin Milton. She was a Shetland and Welsh cross and had a mind of her own.

One of her favourite things to do as you were trotting down a dirt road was to side step, knocking you off her back before you could say “knocking you off.” I was never sure how she did it with the saddle on, but she did. And, it should be noted that she was smart enough not to do it with small children or those she deemed vulnerable. I was never considered in either category and ended on the ground more times than I care to remember.

My absolute favourite memory of Dixie was on a hot spring day. There had been a lot of precipitation that year leaving small pools of water everywhere. I decided it would a great idea to canter through the alfalfa field going right down the middle of one of the larger puddles. Just like of TV. I visualized it in my mind hair flying, reins flapping in the wind, big smile on my face, Dixie giving it her all, and water splashing everywhere.

(Okay, it should be noted that those horses on TV are trained to do that.)

Dixie must of thought it was a cool idea too. We went back in the field oh about a quarter mile and she cantered right up. My hair was flappin, reins flying, water splashing everywhere just like I imagined that is until about half way through the pool of water where she abruptly stopped and rolled in a matter of milliseconds.

After a moment or two laying on my back, staring at the blue sky in utter disbelief I got up covered in mud, dripping with slough water and shared a few thoughts with my beloved pony. She just stood there patiently waiting for me to get back on the now soaked saddle.

I never did that again and neither did she.

Be sure to check out Busty’s response to the picture I sent her at Bust-a-Blog and here is Blue Skies from Jim Reeves just to help you canter through your day.

Kindness

You get more with honey than you do with vinegar.

What is kindness? Is it something that people use as a means of manipulation or persuasion, to control situations and other people? Is it passive or is it active? Are people who are kind viewed as weak and easy to fool? Is being kind allowing someone you love to continuingly make the same errors over and over again, or is it stepping in and providing some good old fashion tough love? Is being kind all the time a realistic way to live your life? Don’t we need challenges in order to develop our own humanity?

Sometimes you can kindly tell your friend, lover, or child what your needs and expectations are, or as an employer the direction you wish your company to go – and in a lot of situations that information is not always heard or understood or purposefully ignored until the jar of vinegar gets thrown on the matter. And, then no one feels good about anything.

Can the act of kindness, if not fully understood, manifest itself into out of control co-dependent behaviour, turning relationship after relationship experience after experience into extremely unhealthy situations until ten different events begin to look like one?

According to Wikipedia kindness is the act or the state of being kind and marked by charitable behaviour, marked by mild disposition, pleasantness, tenderness and concern for others. It is considered to be one of the seven virtues. Interestingly enough in a study of 37 cultures around the world, sixteen thousand subjects were asked about their most desired traits in a mate. For both sexes, the first preference was kindness (the second was intelligence). Buss, D. M. (2003). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. New York: Basic Books.

The Catch: Is kindness is something that starts from within? Everyone knows that helping a person in need across the street is an act of kindness and yes, we all feel good when we do it. But how kind are we to ourselves? Do we even know how to do it? If we start being genuinely kind to ourselves, how will that change things not only from within but on the outside as well? Do we have the courage to be kind to ourselves? Isn’t that viewed as vanity?

If someone is verbally abusing you, stealing your money, cheating on you, betraying you, blaming you, stalking you, undermining your work, and being unsupportive of your dreams and goals we all can agreed these are acts of unkindness. Some of us will have empathy for these individuals and we will make it our mission to help the situation out. The reality is people and organizations can only be helped if the parties genuinely recognize there is a problem and are committed to change, new possibilities and experiences.

The Contemplation: Being kind to yourself is not just knowing your dreams it is the activities that you do every day that help bring those dreams to life no matter what. An easy example is if you make it your goal to drop 20 pounds in the next three month. Kindness to yourself is committing to eating smartly and exercising. Every activity you do to help you reach the weight loss goal of 20 pounds is an act of kindness to yourself. Some days will be better than others and if it is a bad day we just have to say that to ourselves and ask the question, “What did I learn?” So, tell me what if we shifted our percepetion of weight loss not as a fad diet, or I told you so program or a crazy exercise regime, but only as an act of self kindness - I wonder what would happen? I dunno but I am going to give it a try.

What are your thoughts, why not post a comment and let me know.

It Wasn’t But It Was

It wasn’t the horse

That was in the barn.

It wasn’t the piano

That played the song.

It wasn’t all the lessons

That made me strong.

It wasn’t the independence

That I wanted.

It wasn’t the freedom

That I fought.

It wasn’t the responsibility

That I sought.

It wasn’t the care

That roamed the world.

It wasn’t the sports

That I longed

It wasn’t the instruments

That I carried along.

It wasn’t the size.

That brought me peace.

It wasn’t the hairstyle

That made me, me.

It wasn’t the glasses

That I could see.

It was the moments

That we let go.

It was the time

That we didn’t spend

It was the playing

That we needed to be friends.

It was the warmth

That didn’t flow

It was the lessons

That needed taught

It was your acceptance

That wasn’t bought.

It was the trying to please

That you wanted.

It was the understanding

That couldn’t be

It was the hurt

That you wouldn’t see.

It was things okay for you

That was done.

It was role you saw

That I gave

It was the approval

That I slaved.

It was the past

That I let go

It was the things

That were yours not mine.

It was the beginning

That is mine this time.

Songbird Expression 32.2.19

Can You Hear Me Speak?

Can you hear me speak?

Messages soft and sweet.

Quiet solace sound

Meaning so profound.

Do you know my voice?

The one who gives you choice.

Instead of thoughts that crowd me out.

That starts up all your crazy doubt.

Can you feel my joy?

As I toss you a swimmer’s buoy.

To save you from drowning

In the pool of noise surrounding.

Do you see my face?

When you give me daily grace.

For all that you need.

And, for that which I plead.

Can you taste my victory?

As you overcome your misery.

You’ve quested and you’ve screamed

Lost in what it means.

Do you smell the rain?

Washing yourself sane.

Holding your heart so tight

Avoiding Me with all your might.

Can you hear me speak?

With a voice quiet and meek.

That guides you on a way.

Granting you freedom everyday.

Songbird Expression 32.2.19

1999

You Arrive

Today, you will arrive.
The air, sun, and trees told.
My heart beats - as if I expect a surprise –

Like a schoolgirl
Waiting for her first date.
A flock of sparrows ahead of me swirl.

On top of this hill
I strain to see.
All is oddly still.

Nothing from the east.
A light breeze tickles,
The precipitation now has ceased.

The sun barely shows
Through the grey hazy sky.
It too is trying to hide what it knows.

To the west of where I sit,
I hear the melting snow
Off the big red barn, drip, drip, drip.

From the south, vaguely, a sound.
My heart leaps.
Are you coming down?

No, not yet.
It was only the far off roar
Of a single jet.

You are still miles away.
Tucked in the mountains,
But, you are coming today.

Time has been swift
It is now past dusk
As my aching body I lift.

From the damp ground
On my feet
I strain, again, for the sound.

Starting for home.
The cattle watch me.
A few give a boring moan.

Once in doors
The warmth tires me, quickly
As the furnance begins to roar.

Soon I am asleep.
Trying to resist
Not going to deep.

Somewhere in the midnight hour
You arrive
Over and over the miles.

I hear the loud crashing sound
Of ice and snow.
As by your strength you break them down.

Taking all
Into your journey
There is no time to stall.

Putting on my coat.
I run to where you are.
You are no longer remote.

I greet you,
My cries are not heard.
Your loud thunder deafens all I do.

The creek has burst
With water from the hills
This is not your first.

Leaping with much delight
For now it is spring
On the prairies at midnight.

Songbird Expression 32.2.19